


A Shadow

by TheBlackShadow1210



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Loneliness, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-24 00:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16170074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackShadow1210/pseuds/TheBlackShadow1210
Summary: It was only one mission and only one decision. Who could have known it would be that destructive? Some things are not to be forgotten. When the feelings are stronger, one cannot leave it behind. Especially when the person you love fakes their death.





	1. Keep Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> I'm gonna start with information that I am so very new to this site (I'm more acquainted with fanfiction.net, there are also my other stories, I'm writing there under the same nick, I encourage to look it up, but I don't force, of course!)
> 
> Okay, so, the timeline of this story is after the events with Rako Hardeen. I have always wanted to know how our fav trio copes with that ;)
> 
> It has three parts (each with other POV, first is Anakin's)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm not native speaker so forgive me any mistakes.
> 
> Now, please read, review and of course enjoy! :D
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Anakin Skywalker was no stranger to pain and the feeling of loss. After all, he had experienced this himself many times, a few years ago.

The feeling of numbness and helplesness. Emptiness, as he watched his Mother drew the last breath. The touch of her soft hand on his cheek. Her face and the grimace of agony across it haunted him in his nightmares not once.

And his hot tears, flooding his eyes. The heart that broke for many little pieces.

He was too late. He didn't free her as he'd once promised.

"I love..."

These words, these two words haunted him many years after. These two, last words sounded like agony. She died and he was alone.

He had promised himself back then, that he would do anything to protect the ones he cared about. That he would never lose them like he had lost his dear, beloved Mother.

He had promised to protect Padmé, his beautiful wife. And Ahsoka, she has been his little sister. His duty as a Master was to keep her safe. And he still does it. He still cares. Some argue that even too much as for a Jedi.

He had been doing his best, he had been trying to protect everyone from death. Then, one shot destroyed everything he'd worked for. One bullet that had killed his father. That had killed Obi-Wan.

He had been doing everything to protect him. He rescued him not once, not even twice. And when the day had come, when he hadn't been able to do this, his world fell apart.

His heart shattered to pieces.

He remembers that day. He remembers the moment when his limp, dead body hung in Ahsoka's arms. And when the same body was buried, he remembers. The pain, the loss, helplessness. Just because he hadn't been able to protect him, to save him this time. This one time.

It felt like the worst day of his life. Even his Mother's death hadn't broken him that much. Perhaps it was because Obi-Wan has been his Master for about ten years. Maybe because when he left Tatooine, he had only him. No one else. He took him under his wing.

He didn't want to smile, laugh, he didn't even want to talk to anyone. No one could help him. Not even Padmé. All he wanted, was too see Obi-Wan's calm face and hear his voice, to listen to his wit and sarcastic remarks.

But it hadn't been possible, for he had been killed. He had been with the Force. Or so he thought.

He had believed in that. He had suffered because of that.

He had just drowned in his own grief and pain. Nothing was really the same. He felt so helpless, it was only he. He against the whole galaxy. He was alone. And he felt like little kid, scared of storm and evil. Because there was no one to protect him any longer. There was no one to rescue him from his own doubts and weakness. From himself.

When the truth was revealed, it was beyond his expectations.

Because he would never expect his Master to lie like that. No, not Obi-Wan, he just couldn't have hurt him like that.

But it was true, he had hurt him. On purpose.

And Anakin didn't try to stop the anger, nor hatred. It consumed him like flames.

He used to cry in his Master's sleeve as a child. He used to trust him. He loved this man.

He has always wanted to have a father. And he used to have one. For a long time, Obi-Wan Kenobi has been his parent, his safe haven where he could hide and wait until the storm raged no longer. He felt so safe within his strong, warm arms. He felt loved and protected. It was all he had needed back then.

Then, everything, every memory of him had been buried with that dead body. Killed as the bullet murdered his Master. His Master whom he gave all the love he could feel.

But it was all a lie, everything. It was a game.

Because the same man used him and his feelings. The same man betrayed him.

He would have understood if it had been the will of the Council - to lie to him like that. He would have expected that, for not a single Master trusted him. But it wasn't the Council. It wasn't them.

"It was my decision to keep the truth from you."

It was his decision. Only his. And he had considered him a friend. A father, even.

He will never make such a mistake again.

He will never trust him anymore.

Because how could he?

It was for the mission, yes, sure. His former Master, his friend and ally, betrayed him because of the mission.

Was it worth it?

The Chancellor is safe now, nothing bad happened. Obi-Wan is the new hero of the Republic. The great Negotiatior saved the galaxy again. Cheer, cheer, everyone!

But was it all worth it? Was lying and betrayal worth it?

It was a question only Obi-Wan should answer.

He had left him alone, after all these years. He had let him cry every night. He had let him be alone, without nothing but tears and grief.

It was for the mission. Because only mission matters, nothing more. Feelings does not. Truth does not.

His love does not. The Jedi do not care. Does anyone care? Does anyone care that he had been hurt and betrayed?

He felt cold, he was cold, even if the room was warm. When he was younger, when he was this 9-year-old boy from Tatooine, his Master would always be there, ready to warm his frozen heart up.

He had been sure Obi-Wan Kenobi would never let anybody hurt him. He had been sure that when he had said "I will always be there for you, I will not let you suffer, little one", he had really meant it.

But eventually, he was the one who had done so. Who had let him sit alone, grieving for the loss. He was the one who had decided to hurt him.

After all, he did everything on purpose. He knew that his Padawan, with his attachment that was no secret to anyone, would be suffering. He knew that he would be crying. He knew what would be his reaction. That was precisely why he had done all of this.

He had hurt him on purpose, being fully aware of the consequences.

Is he even sorry? Is he feeling as wrecked as his former Padawan?

Huh, of course not.

The Jedi do not feel wrecked. The Jedi feel nothing. They can hurt and break a heart, just to achieve their goal. Just to complete a mission.

He should have predicted it would end like that. They have never trusted him, they have never accepted him here. Just because he knew the feeling of love, as if it was something bad. Just because he knew his Mother and because he gave her his heart.

And in the end, they simply used this love. He felt as if his heart was ripped off his chest and thrown out straight into the bin. Into the merciless desert of sorrow and emptiness.

Because the man he loved, betrayed him. Because the man he loved, killed his hope and light.

Anakin Skywalker was no more. It has been only his pain and anger. He has been a shadow of the great Jedi he used to be. There was only a shadow. Nothing more, nothing less. A shadow.


	2. I Lost You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> There is another POV (this is Obi-Wan's). ;)
> 
>  
> 
> I want to ask if you remember the fight between Obi-Wan and Anakin. I just believe such a fight would have left some bruises (but it was the kids show so it's rather obvious why nothing like this was shown).
> 
> I'm saying this in case you get lost in the action, you know ;D I might have mentioned some bruising. 
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings remain the same; bad feelings.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

He could swear on the Force, he had never felt such regret and sorrow before.

He had never felt sadness that would be able to flood his heart.

Yet, he is feeling such pain right now. He can feel like true Rako Hardeen. Perhaps this mission was perfect for liars like him.

He just killed, he stabbed his best friend straight in the heart.

He just used him like he should never have.

Like a sudden, painful strike, it hit him. Maybe it would be less agonizing if he really had died that awful day.

It wasn't like he had planned to hurt his former Padawan. He just had had to do what was the best for the Order and the Republic. He sacrificed for the safety of the Chancellor.

He'd had no intention to make Anakin suffer. At least not on the purpose like Anakin thinks. He had thought it would be only a matter of time until he gets used to his death. He hadn't supposed his reaction would be that strong.

Of course, of course he knew his former apprentice would be suffering. If not, he wouldn't have hidden the truth from him. It was just... complicated. He didn't think he would be hurt so deeply.

And it made him feel like the last idiot. A bastard. He just used him. As if he wasn't a person but a thing that you can borrow and give back half-damaged.

In this case, though, the damage was too huge to be fixed. He just felt and knew it.

He killed their once strong bond, pulling Anakin's trust to the edge. They used to be brothers in everything but blood. Right, they used to.

Because his one stupid decision buried it all. The decision he will never forget. The decision that will not be forgiven. He won't even complain, he deserves it all. He deserves the hate. He broke his friend - The Hero With No Fear.

He couldn't focus on anything in particular. Missions he was being given were nothing to him right now. Only Anakin was important.

Anakin, who has been his son since the day he promised him to be a Jedi.

And it wasn't only because he had sworn to dying Qui-Gon that he would train the boy. It was something else, something... different. He simply wanted to do this.

This pair of blue, but at first fearful, eyes had something that warmed his heart up. He couldn't describe what it was. But he knew he loved the boy. And he loved him even more with every day. Every single day.

He was his escape after Qui-Gon's death.

He could have predicted that Anakin would be following Rako Hardeen. It almost destroyed the mission, but it wasn't the most important, no. Because they both could have lost their lives that day.

Bane had almost shot him. If not for Ahsoka, his apprentice would have been dead now.

At the moment, looking at his fist, he felt so wrong. The fist that had hit him, that had hurt his Padawan. It's not like he hadn't been aware of his actions. He had known what he had been doing. All this time, he had known.

He had given him pain, physical and mental. His fists had bruised his soft face, he had been listening to Anakin's groans as his punches got stronger. But he hadn't stopped.

And he hadn't hit just once. He had done it many times until Anakin could take no more.

He had said 'don't follow me'. And he should have told him that he was sorry, that Obi-Wan Kenobi was alive. Maybe then, it would have ended differently.

If only there had been a way to turn back, to make things anew. He could do everything to reverse time. To spare Anakin the pain, to make him trust his Master again.

He couldn't say that he, as Rako Hardeen, had forgotten about his former Padawan. No.

He had been thinking. All the time. About him and about the torment he certainly had been feeling. The torment he had given him.

But when he realised that it had been wrong, it was too late. He had already been with other bounty hunters.

He had put him in such a wrong position. He had forced him to watch his death, his funeral. All for what? A mission?

Yes, yes, the Jedi shall not let emotions take control. Yes, one could not put any mission aside.

Especially not when the war has been raging on for such long time.

But he has already known, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't at all.

He himself had experienced the loss of a Master. He remembers Qui-Gon's last moments.

He remembers Maul slaining him in front of his eyes.

He remembers the pyre with his dead body. And he still can feel this pain from time to time, when he thinks about it, although he tries not to. It was all in the past.

However, he also knows this agony is not to be described. It feels as if someone takes away the part of the soul. At least it was what it felt like to lose Master Jinn.

And despite it, he placed Anakin in exactly the same position, he had given him the same pain. Watching a Master die is unbearable. It's agony no one should ever experience.

He had not thought about it back then. Or had he? He didn't know. He knew nothing now.

Except for the fact that it should never have happened.

He was certain that if Anakin was assigned to such a task, he would tell him. He wouldn't let him suffer. He just wouldn't do this to him. This was Anakin Skywalker he knew - ready to sacrifice everything, even a mission, for the ones he cares about. He had a golden heart.

But he, his Master, just broke it, destroyed it, turned it into stone.

Nothing can be the same now. Nothing ever will be. He felt like he had failed Anakin. And it wasn't just a feeling. It was the truth. He had really failed him.

There is no forgiveness. He deserves it. He should get all the hate for what he'd done to his precious former Padawan. He loves him, he trusts him.

So why did he hurt him like that?

Of course, he tried to talk to him, he tried to apologise. He tried to regain his trust, convince him somehow. But it was all in vain. Anakin's been avoiding him as much as it was possible.

He could say that he would love him to shout or cry. He would love him to release this pain. To tell him what an idiot he is. He would listen, because he would deserve it.

Everything, he would prefer everything to the silence Anakin has been giving him.

Because this silence is killing him, taking away every inch of his body and mind. He could not stand it.

And Anakin has still had this sad look in his eyes since he learnt the truth of Rako Hardeen.

And Obi-Wan knew this look.

It said that Anakin Skywalker was a shadow. Not that kind-hearted Jedi Knight he had trained. Just and only a shadow.


	3. Never The Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Here's the last POV of this "trilogy". ;)
> 
>  
> 
> It's Ahsoka's, and though I could have done it much better, I hope you'll enjoy this.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for the comments, I appreciate the effort, really! :))
> 
>  
> 
> I guess it will take some time for the next story but I'll make myself sure it will be uploaded here. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ahsoka has never been the type of a person that would like to interfere in her Master's life. Okay, maybe sometimes, but these few times don't count.

As a teenager, she was just curious. After all, Anakin Skywalker has always been one huge mystery. He never lets anybody get to know him completely.

However, there was a thing everyone, including also her, could be more than sure - her Master has always cared deeply. He has always been sensitive more than anyone she knows.

And when someone hurts him, everything changes.

He has always been overprotective. She used to get irritated by that, but with time, she understood why. He was just afraid. He feared.

Anakin Skywalker, the best Master she could ask for, has never been like other Jedi. And she loved him for his different nature. He cared more than anyone else. He felt more than anyone else. He was an exception in this Order. He wouldn't let her die. If something happened, he would not leave her, he never has.

She couldn't also deny that both, Anakin and Obi-Wan, are like a family to her. Very caring, trustworthy family.

And seeing a family break apart was the most painful thing she had ever experienced to watch as a Jedi Padawan. As any being at all.

She used to love being around them, hearing their sarcastic remarks and jokes. They were like brothers, even a youngling would notice that. They used to love and trust each other with their lives.

But now, everything is gone. Because Obi-Wan hid the truth from them.

And she wouldn't deny that she understood this decision, although it had hurt her as well. She understood, because she has spent all her life in the Order.

Not like Anakin. She knew he used to treat his former Master like a role model, like a father and a friend. And being betrayed by a friend is always painful, even for such a great Jedi Anakin is.

When Obi-Wan's body hung in her arms, when Anakin shouted from rage and grief, she could sense this agony and regret in their Master/Padawan bond. But she had been helpless all this time.

She wanted to help him get over his grief, but he had never let her, he had clammed up.

She had tried to talk to him not once or twice but often. He had been wrecked and silent. He hadn't spoken since that event. He had been deeply hurt. And a scar surely has remained to this day.

He had made walls that separated him from everyone else. She has been shut out. It still feels terrible.

The funeral has still been in her head, the picture of her dead Grandmaster.

The memory, even if fake, still as horrible and painful.

And as much as she couldn't be angry with Obi-Wan, she could understood why Anakin is. Because Anakin is different. Anakin cares very much. Anakin is the best person she knows.

Obi-Wan had hurt him but she won't be angry. She just wishes they were brothers again.

She wanted to think, to believe that there is still something she can do to help them find the connection they'd lost. She promised this to herself.

However, it wasn't easy at all. Her Master has never been a type of a trusting person. And through all these years, she's learnt that when his trust was once destroyed, it is difficult for him to forget.

But she would support him. If only he'd let her...

There was time she wanted to give up, to let it drop. But she simply couldn't. Her heart seeked for finding a solution to problems their friends had.

If only things would be simple. If only there was a way to reverse time.

She was sure that if the situation repeated, Obi-Wan would never lie to them, not to Anakin especially. She might be young, but certainly not stupid. She could see Obi-Wan's tries to fix it, to apologise. She knew her Grandmaster, although he denies it, feels attached to Anakin. He loves him.

She could see the stares Obi-Wan gives Anakin. She could see the suffering and pain in those shiny, grey eyes. And she wanted to say something, anything to get them together again.

Their missions now aren't even close to the way they'd been before. They are sad, grim and silent. Every time they are in the same room, there are no words, only pain.

Will it always be that way from now on? Aren't they going to be that happy family they used to be?

Why?

Why can't she do anything?

The Force is just screaming for a rescue.

She was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of their silent argument, the storm within those two.

She only waited for the moment when they both break down. And talk things out. And it had better happen soon, for this situation is driving her crazy.

How come that one stupid mission was able to destroy every little thing they'd shared? Every good memory?

How can they be adult but act so childish?

No, no, she couldn't be mad at them, they are just dealing with their feelings. But will she live long enough to see the end of this? Is it even possible?

She could see how Obi-Wan tries to apologise, to piece together everything that is lost.

But she could also see how Anakin avoids it as much as it's possible.

Someone had to do something to stop this. Anything... Anyone.

It was no secret that her Master has strong attachments and emotions living within him.

And the fact that he used to be so close to Obi-Wan is no mystery, too.

She had been upset, so what Anakin must have felt? After years of his Padawan training? After their missions and the support they'd surely given to each other not once?

After all, their relationship remained very good even during the war, although their contact has been limited to minimum, although death and suffering took over the galaxy long time ago.

They still were able to manage it somehow. And she would admire it not once.

They were always there for each other, always. Even she had noticed that.

But it was no longer love that they were led by. It was tears, pain and sorrow. It was hate and anger.

She could already tell that if she was placed in such a position, she would be suffering as much, even if she thinks like a Jedi raised in the Temple from baby years.

So it wasn't hard to imagine what torment Anakin has been through.

To see a Master die, to be unable to do anything to help.

She couldn't imagine her life without Anakin. Not that she even wanted to try to. It would be too painful. The very thought is terrible enough. She would die without him. She would be lost and lonely.

Fortunately it is not true, and will never be. Because Anakin will never fail her. And she won't let him drown.

But still, the feeling inside her has remained. The feeling that something is lost for good. Forever.

After all, everything changed. Anakin Skywalker, her proud and brave Master, was now a shadow.

THE END


End file.
